Healthy Communication

One thing we’re trying to practice as a church family is the idea of healthy communication. Healthy families are known for good communication, and unhealthy families are known for bad communication. As a church family, we need to be able to speak clearly and lovingly to one another. This involves several things, but I want to point out two things specifically.

Encouragement

First, healthy communication involves a culture of encouragement. Encouragement often means much more to the person receiving the encouragement than the giver of the encouragement might ever imagine. I distinctly remember getting a Facebook message from my home pastor in Mississippi about ten years ago. Bro. Mickey reached out and he told me, “Ben, I hear good reports from your work in Nashville. Just wanted you to know I am proud of you and what you have allowed God to do through you.” These words meant more to me than I can fully explain—they were wind in my sails! Encouragement, if you think about it, means to give someone courage. You’re en-courage-ing them. Larry Crabb put it this way, he said, “Encouragement is the kind of expression that helps someone want to be a better Christian, even when life is rough.”

One of the most important passages in the Bible dealing with the idea of encouragement is Hebrews 10:24-25. There, the writer of Hebrews says: 

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” 

The writer of Hebrews tells us to consider—to think about—how we can stir up good works and faith in one another. He wants us to encourage one another as a way of life. When we do this, we establish a baseline for clear communication because if someone needs to have a difficult conversation with us, and we’re used to being encouraged by them, we’re more likely to listen and receive the difficult word. We know they love us, so we’re willing to listen.

Loving Confrontation

Second, healthy communication involves confronting one another in a loving, gospel-centered way. Jesus tells us plainly in Matthew 18: 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

There’s a lot in this passage, but on a basic level, notice that Jesus commands us to confront one another! In a healthy family, we don’t sweep things under the rug, instead we talk through issues. We communicate! Now, sometimes someone may slightly offend us, and we just decide to let it go. We absorb the offense, we remember that Jesus loves us and he loves them, and we just forgive them. But sometimes, we have to be willing to confront one another. If someone sins against us and deeply wounds us, or if they are caught in a public, unconfessed sin, it’s our responsibility as members of the body of Christ to lovingly confront them. Our relationships should be ones in which people can lovingly speak hard words to us when necessary, and point us towards Jesus. In the passage above, the point of the confrontation is to help bring restoration. It’s not about judging, but restoring. 

No one likes confrontation, and it can certainly be done in an unhealthy way, but when done rightly, it helps point us towards Jesus. Confrontation should be an act of love. The writer of Proverbs tells us that “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Let’s be a church known for encouragement and healthy, loving confrontation. If we practice both of these skills, we will have healthy communication. 

- Ben